Fathers have been integral to their child’s education for millenia. In ancient Israel, fathers were charged to instill the Word of God in their children every day, throughout the day. Ancient Greek men were legally responsible for their children’s education and Ancient Roman fathers personally taught reading, writing, and the moral virtues to their household. Medieval fathers trained their children in the art and skills of their trade and Christian fathers have always been encouraged to raise their children in the “fear and admonition of the Lord.”
For this reason, when my daughter was born in 2016, I immediately began instructing her in the skills of my profession as an English and History teacher. Well, not exactly. But a careful examination of education, something not merely relegated to skill-acquisition but character formation, demonstrates that education starts from day one. Fathers and mothers alike are keenly focused on the kind of people their sons and daughters will grow up to be.
Parenting in the Formative Early Years
It was this kind of education with which I was deeply involved in my daughters’ impressionable, formative years. This education involved teaching her what was right and what was wrong, confessing sin, seeking reconciliation, developing manners, obeying father and mother, applying best effort, sharing with siblings, loving God and so on.
We were often reminded by family, mentors, and books how important the first five years are in a child’s development. It was all hands on deck. Whether compelled by the men of history before me or an innate interest in education, I loved being part of teaching and training in the young years. Everything, even a refusal to eat supper, was a learning opportunity.
A Father’s Role in Home Education
As the principal of a small Christian school, much of my time is spent communicating the vision of the school, corresponding with parents, discipling and correcting students, encouraging teachers, discussing courses and curriculum, and teaching some classes of my own. This work is essential for a school to thrive. I would be highly ineffective at my job if, when asked about student behavioural issues or curriculum choices, I simply responded with, “oh, I don’t know.” I would find myself unemployed in due time. However, fathers whose families educate at home sometimes take this approach. There’s a temptation to be hands off and leave all the work to one’s wife. A wise friend told me early in my marriage to never use the phrase, “I don’t care” — to always share an opinion when asked. I believe this should apply to homeschooling as well.
In the same way that we as fathers are involved in the little years — concerned with the person our children will become — so too should fathers care about the formal education of their child. The study of math, literature, the natural world, theology, music, art, trades, etc. all form the child in a similar way that our involvement in the early years did. A child’s homeschool education does a similar work as a father’s care to throw the ball or teach how to drive or show how to repair a lawn mower or work together in chores.
Our wives need us in educating our children. Sometimes fathers fall for the typical trope of dads not caring about their children’s education. Sometimes fathers make jokes about how little involvement or care they have. Don’t do this. It’s unbecoming. Fathers for millenia have been involved in education.
The Lord commands the Israelite fathers to teach their children His ways. You are essential to this work.
Perhaps you’ve neglected this area of raising your children. Some fathers are the primary home educators but most often it is the women who do this work. Like me, you may have been tempted to leave the weight of home education on your wife’s shoulders. I would encourage you to find ways to get involved. Start small. Ask your wife how the day went. Listen to her and make eye contact while she speaks. Don’t problem solve — at least not right away. Listen with compassion when she shares and help her carry the burden.
Ways to Be Involved
Another step might be to read a book on education. Perhaps you’re an avid reader and perhaps not. Chances are your wife has read something engaging about the work of education but if not, ask a friend or fellow co-op family. If books aren’t your thing, watch a movie or documentary or listen to a podcast about education. There are hundreds of quality options to choose from. Doing these things helps to build your interest, your opinions, and care for the job you and your wife are doing every day.
Once the book has been read, attend a conference! If nothing else, this validates your wife in her work of educating but you’ll also learn a lot. Often conferences are excellent places to be inspired by the noble task of raising your family well. While some conferences are primarily attended by women, there is an encouragingly growing number of men who are joining these events.
Do you ever read a required novel with your child? Perhaps you could teach a lesson on a Saturday morning. Doing so takes educating your children beyond the theoretical thing that takes place while you’re at work. It grows your sympathy for your wife’s craft and shows your family you care.
The simplest need is often the hardest. Beyond the day-to-day, your family needs you to cast a vision. Casting a vision does not need to be ethereal and weird. It is simply repeating the why. Your wife needs this, your children need this and you need this. Why does education matter? Why are you homeschooling? Why does Christian education matter? Why are we sacrificing so much? Educating children is a noble task but it is also extremely demanding. Anyone can get lost in the weeds and burn out without a guiding star to point toward.
Keep speaking that guiding star over your family.
You matter, fathers. Sometimes the flowery homeschool curriculum and female-dominated conference lineups feel like this isn’t the case. Never forget; you matter. Whether you are hands-on or not; speak well of education. Speak well of what your family is doing. Men, teach your children “when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”
Jared Fraser is husband to Laura, father of five children (one of whom is in heaven), long-time school teacher, church preacher, and principal of Immanuel Christian School in Charlottetown, PEI.
